because i value the opinions of internet strangers.

for those of you who know me in IRL or have followed me for a while here on tumblr, you know i’ve been hitting more than a few potholes in my career search. long story short, i’ve got a degree with part scholarship with this and that and all that mess, stuck with that feeling “i’ve got nothing to show for it.” because on paper i’m supposed to be an SPSS freak who knows the bells and whistles of statistic testing.

aside from university experience, i haven’t applied that anywhere since i graduated 4 years ago. my resume is locked down with retail management experience because out of school i simply needed a job that had benefits so my ass could go to the doctor ASAP. music internships and entertainment coordinator positions are the bulk of what i’ve done because for a long time, the music industry is where i wanted to be.

i have about 20 different versions of my resume right now for different things. i fucking envy decisive people.

i still haven’t completely given up on finding a down-to-the-grind marketing job. but honestly, i don’t even know why i want it so bad. maybe because professors told me i was good at it, that if i went the analyst route it’s more lucrative than jumping the promotions route and taking the chance of being part of the first batch of people to get laid off if lay offs had to be made. and i liked hearing that. my dad was in that position for a long time and it broke his spirit and i’m kinda scared to get there, for lack of better words.

i also think not everyone gets to be who they want to be 100% (work-wise) and i assume you make some sacrifices based on possible lifestyle changes. i think, if my parents were able to make the sacrifice to do things that weren’t exactly their first loves, but they found a love in it somewhere… i could, too.

but all this extra freelancing i’ve done is making me rethink my path and if it’s possible to actually enjoy the grind in a not-so-secure profession. with no prior training minus a few writing classes and reading my ass off i’m about 5,000 steps behind and need to take a meticulous grammar nazi class or something if i at least want to be on the playing field with those who have already honed their craft.

outside of this type of class, i looked into a few courses of study online, essentially graduate exposure. i haven’t even made up my mind if i want to write on the side or full-time yet, it’s difficult to look that far ahead, maybe out of fear or simple indecision. with that said, is it worth it to pay for a program like that? would it make a difference or should i keep writing where i am now? is that in itself more valuable than a certificate that says i can do it? should i save my pennies, take courses at a community college, attend a lecture here and there at some big shot school (u of c and northwestern have plenty on their schedule) and network like hell even though i hate the premise of networking because it feels so fake?

this is a lot of wordage for a simple question but yours truly needs some serious guidance because all my friends are nurses and computer geeks and other completely unrelated things to what i may head toward.

no “follow your heart” replies, please.